Acts of Kindness

Most counselors will agree that the married couples we see on average usually seek counseling for the same reasons albeit the details of the circumstances may differ slightly. Some of those reasons tend to be feelings of betrayal, disconnectedness, boredom, and loneliness.

When we originally were attracted to our mates, we were attentive, open, caring, giving, and thoughtful of their needs. We went out of our way to make sure our significant other knew we loved them as often as possible. But, then marriage comes and babies and life. Now we are more focused on the children, work, the household, bills, plumbing problems,etc. When was the last time you said "I love you" out of the blue or gave a funny greeting card just because? I bet it's been a long time.

Think about how you treat your friends? You call your best friend on the phone daily to just say "hi." But, you call your spouse only when you need an errand run for you. When friends come over to visit, you hide all the clutter in the closet and make a special dinner just for them. Your spouse comes home and you get mad because he/she wasn't there all day to help clean up and then he/she expects dinner. How backwards is this?

Familiarity breeds contempt doesn't it? Think about how nice we are to our friends and even strangers, but how thoughtless and mean we can be to our own spouses. What if we used some of that kindness on our spouses instead? What if we could remember to treat our spouses like they were friends instead of the enemy? Isn't that what we strive for in life, to pick a life long mate who we can sit on the front porch with and share our most sacred thoughts, past regrets, future hopes and dreams?

Mutual respect and friendship are the most valuable benefits of marriage. Yet, we destroy them and then wonder why our sex life has diminished and loneliness and despair prevails. Repairing a relationship isn't as hard as we make it out to be. Little acts of kindness go a long way in building the love connection we all crave.