Kids need rules

For several years, I worked as a clinician in an agency that served adolescents who had substance abuse and behavior problems. I used to lie awake nights trying to figure out a way to reach these kids. Eventually, I realized that I could only do so much and the real work had to be done at home by their parents.


The following is probably the most important advice I could stress to parents:


Children/adolescents need consistent and specific rules to follow. They inherently want to know where the boundaries are with their parents. Yes, they will push those boundaries and break a rule here and there, but setting the rules and boundaries tells them that they are loved and that you care about them.


I have worked with hundreds of adolescents. Those with the worst behavior problems had parents who didn't provide any rules or expectations. Or, the rules were inconsistent. Many of those children expressed that they felt like no one really cared about them. This message equates to feeling unloved and unwanted.


Adolescents like to act like they know everything, but underneath all the bravado they really want a strong parent to guide them. So, don't be afraid! Sit your child/adolescent down and tell him/her what you expect and make a list of the house rules together. Follow that up with a list of consequences if those rules are broken. Keep the lists short and specific so no one feels overwhelmed or confused.

Remember, it takes time and practice to learn bad habits and it will take the same amount of time, if not a little more, to unlearn them and replace the bad habits with good ones. Be consistent and patient. This will speak volumes of love and caring to your kids. Granted, they may not thank you or appreciate what you are doing right away, but some day they will. Most likely, when they have kids of their own.